Life Is About Balance

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Diagnosis, On A Sunday Morning

hospitalwaitngroom

Monotonous
Coughing, spluttering.
Sirens of babies, whimper.
Chairs lined up like soldiers in
the hospital white.

Diagnosis, on a Sunday morning.
Waiting, Aching, Waiting, Watching.

Lights dim, low music soothes.

Disinfectant fumes,
burn my morning eyes.

Blood, Bandages and Boredom.
Tonsils need attention but
the young before the old.

Anxious toddler cries, the clock
pushes forward. The parents wait.

My head is thumping,
my throat itches, it cracks.

Pins and Needles surfaces through my feet.

People hope, people wait.
For the magic pill.

The space is getting tighter,
like an old, worn jumper.
People demanding their corners,
their space, to breathe – no fresh air.
Diagnosis, on a Sunday afternoon.

My name echoes
Bounces off the walls

A Sunday Afternoon

Morgennebel

I sit here, enjoying the peaceful tranquillity of the woods. Silence, almost. Only the symphony of bird song is with me here. I feel nature and it’s presence all around me: I feel liberated. I feel free. Lost in the woods with a notebook and pen and I can write about everything I see, hear, touch and feel. I no longer have to hold my breath thinking about the restrictions that are holding me back.

I am opening up to the many possibilities that my mind can create and I let myself relax into the bench I sit upon. I feel inspired. I write this, that I am repeating to you now. Just my every day thoughts. Nothing special, nothing poetic. Just what is happening here and now. I have found that I write the words I want to say better than when I wish to speak them. I don’t know why this is. No one knows I am here, this is my safe haven. Even the animals carry on with their every day adventures and I just watch them with avid curiosity. I love watching the squirrels the most, they roam free, oblivious of my existence. They pounce from branch to branch happily and the birds, well they sing a tune that brightens even my saddest day, like today.

I take everything in, clear my mind. I can hear children laughing, dogs barking and families talking in the distance and I have a sudden image flash to the front of my mind. It would be nice to come back here again someday, in the future. With my children. After being alone with my thoughts for a little while, I feel the need to explore. I start to walk through the golden leaves that lie on the ground, they crunch beneath my feet, I really love that sound. I try and release the toxins from my mind, I try to replace them with happy thoughts, I no longer want negativity to lie on my chest, I no longer want unanswered questions – I just want to feel refreshed. I focus on breathing the oxygen into my lungs, it gives me strength, it gives me fire. And so, I carry on walking.

I’ve needed this. Just me and nature – no distractions. Finally no distractions. I feel that they never help an unsolved mind. They take you away from your true self. I have found that covering up your feelings, will always lead to an unhappy heart in the end. I’m trying to unlock the place in which I store my emotions and deepest fears. I have a feeling of freedom when I am here. I wish I could just release everything I think and feel, right now, into the air that I am breathing. I’m starting to feel better after this thought and I start to feel myself smiling, a real smile.

I observe that the sky is a mixture of blues and greys and there are still no clouds in sight, but the orange is slowly starting to creep in. It’s getting a bit colder now so I start to head back onto the path that takes me home. The sun is low in the sky but it still warms my face with a glow of happiness, I put on my coat and look back and smile. A new place, a new discovery. I now feel a lift off my shoulders. I should really do this again soon. What a wonderful way to spend my Sunday afternoon.