A Change Of Heart

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I will always be a writer. No matter what my job title is or what I do during the day, writing is my passion and I wouldn’t be ‘me’ without it. However, recently I’ve started to feel less like a writer. Maybe that’s because I haven’t really been doing much ‘writing.’ You see, a few months ago I was feeling lost, I had no job, I was on the dole, still missed being at university and had no idea what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Then, something good happened. I got a part-time job working for an online magazine and they were paying me, yes, finally, I thought!

Everything started to fall into place after that, or so I thought. I started to volunteer as a Creative Writing Workshop Mentor at a local hostel and I decided to start my own online feel good magazine called Zest For Life. I thought I was finally going down the right path, until I realised that something was missing. I was no longer writing. I was filling up my time with other projects and jobs that I no longer had the time nor the motivation to write fiction, which is a big part of who I am.

I love being the editor and founder of Zest For Life, it’s hard work and I’m not receiving the amount of help from my friends that I thought I would, but I created something from nothing, which is what I love to do. I decided to stop volunteering at the hostel because some weeks I would turn up and none of the residents wanted to take part, I was enthusiastic to inspire them but they didn’t want to be inspired.

I did however, have one really good session with them whilst I was volunteering there. I managed to inspire them to write, a member of staff told me that it was the first time she had seen some of them smile like that in weeks, I had a warm feeling in my chest as I left the hostel. I knew I had made a difference to someone’s day. That’s when it hit me. The epiphany, the impulse to help people, the day that I started to doubt my career choice.

I want to teach. I don’t know why I didn’t realise this before but it hit me and now the feeling won’t go away. Of course, my anxiety reminds me daily of everything that could go wrong if I decide to do it and I am still on the fence about what I really want. I thought I wanted the 9-5 office job, sitting at a computer all day, writing. Now, I’m not so sure. I get bored easily and I want a job that is different every single day. I also have this need to help and inspire people. I have always loved children (even though I am definitely not ready for my own). So why not take the plunge and train to be a primary school teacher?

I’m at a crossroads, I am so confused about what I really want and exactly who I want to be. One thing I know for definite is that I love to write, what ever that may be. I think my lack of writing fiction is due to having too much going on in my mind right now, once I sort through it, I’m sure the ideas will come and I will start writing again.

I was so sure that I wanted to go into publishing and magazines and a small part of me still wants to, but I would have to relocate to London and I’m not willing to do that. I have definitely had a change of heart, I just need to decide what to do with it. Do I ignore it and carry on knowing I’m not full happy with my career choice? Do I leave the world of publishing and magazines behind after all of my hard work and go into teaching?

What ever decision I make, it will change my life. I just have to picture the future version of myself in my mind and decide exactly what I want that picture to be.

‘Now Is Good’ Film Review

 nowisgoodNow Is Good is an inspiring film about a teenager fighting Leukemia, you will definitely be reaching for the tissues.

Based on the novel Before I Die by Jenny Downham, this film may be packed full of clichés, but I think I can make an exception for this film. I read the book over a year ago and no book has ever affected me in the same way since.  A story that will make you feel enlightened with tears of joy and tears of sadness. The story follows Tessa (Dakota Fanning) a seventeen year old girl who makes up a bucket list of things to do before she dies. Refusing anymore treatment, Tessa decides to love every single moment of the life she has left. Making her way through her list she finds something that isn’t on the original list – love. The handsome next door neighbor Adam is exactly what Tessa needs to fill her last months with joyous moments. She realizes that the little things in life are more important, like talking to your brother, holding your father’s hand or simple lying next to the one you love.

I felt so connected to the characters in the book and expected to feel the same way with the film. However,  I felt that the film lacked the same connection. This often happens when books are adapted into films. However, the moments in the book that made me cry translated perfectly to screen. Each character has their own way with dealing with Tessa’s illness. Her father is ‘cancer obsessed’, seeking an answer to try and take all of her pain away. Her mother is quite a selfish character, too wrapped up in her own life to care about her daughter. When Tessa needs her mother the most she pulls through but I still disliked her character.

What I loved about the main character Tessa is her attitude. She doesn’t let cancer change who she is. She is witty, confident and optimistic for the most part. Knowing what was coming didn’t affect the way I watched this film. Sometimes it isn’t the ending that needs to be a surprise, it’s the moments leading up to it. Even though this film was heartbreaking, I felt a sense of joy when it ended. The film is uplifting and makes you realize how short life really is.  A true gem. I would definitely watch it again.

Rating – 5 Stars

Speak Now Album Review

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Well, it’s almost time for Miss Taylor Swift to announce her new album title for her fourth album! There’s not much on the album yet but rumours say that the America’s sweetheart will be dropping her album sometime in autumn 2012… Speak now is her third album…

Lets reflect back to October 2010, the 25th to be exact! All around the world (no exaggeration) fans were queuing in the supermarkets for the country star’s new CD. I pre-ordered the CD and I was excited like any other Swiftie (A Taylor Swift fan is called a Swiftie) to get my hands on this new album. I had high expectations for the third album and so did her record company Big machine records because her second CD Fearless debuted at number one in a number of weeks. The CD has done extremely well and has reached number one on the billboard charts and sold  1,047,000 in the first week. Amazingly, all fourteen of the songs made it to the Billboard 100 charts. Swift had sold more copies of this CD than the last! The Deluxe edition CD has fourteen songs and a bonus CD which contains three other songs and US versions of three songs already placed on the main CD. Fans will also be delighted to know that the CD also contains bonus features including the music video for ‘Mine’ and the behind the scenes.

Swift has achieved so much on this album. Writing every song without co-writers is an outstanding achievement of it’s own! Swift brings a fresh country/pop sound to the industry, with her personal songs about break-ups, love and life she reaches out to every girl out there who has ever been let down. Comparing this CD to Swift’s first album, her writing is maturing and her topics are much more dense than they were before.One of my personal favourites is ‘Never Grow up.’ A song about Swift opening up about how she has reflected back on her childhood and found out how quickly it disappears. This is song is both honest and moving and I shed a tear or two with this one. If you want a song to dance too, or just want a happy upbeat tune to blast through your stereo then ‘Sparks fly’, ‘The story of us’ and ‘Long live’ could be the songs for you. The album is oozing with talent and you will not regret buying this CD! If you don’t already have this CD. Go on amazon and buy it! What are you waiting for?