The Muse & Me

writinggirl
Credit: Oprah.com

I’ve always had a turbulent relationship with my writing muse. I’ve been struggling with writer’s block for two years. After graduating with my degree in Creative Writing, I decided to give my writing brain a rest. I had spent the past three years juggling poetry, stories, scripts and essays in my mind, so I simply stopped. The problem was, I didn’t know how to get started again.

I’ve made so many attempts over the past two years to get into the habit of writing regularly. After a while, I realised that forcing myself to write was only decreasing my enjoyment for it and I should just let go and wait for my muse to return when I was ready.

Well, now I’m ready. I woke up one morning with an idea burning at the front of my mind. I couldn’t get to my notebook quick enough! I thought it was a fluke, but a few days later, I started writing in my pink journal, which is a mixture of poetry, story ideas and random thoughts that inspire me.

The ideas started to pour out of me effortlessly. When I didn’t think too much about when I would start writing again, my mind was clear enough to allow ideas to develop. I have a large stack of Writing magazines to read and without even thinking about it, I have started to make my way through them. I’ve also decided to print off the novel I wrote for NaNoWriMo in 2014 and edit it. I am reading and writing again and I couldn’t be happier.

There’s a small part of me that has been missing for the last two years. I am a writer and although I have been occupying my mind with other things, getting a job, relationships, family, friends, starting my own magazine and discovering my love for teaching, I feel whole again now that I’m writing stories and coming up with new ideas.

When my writing brain is active, I feel like a child again. I cast my mind back to the excited little girl, sticking out her tongue as she scribbled stories in Woolworths notebooks and I smile. Not a lot has changed. I’m all grown up now but the burning desire to create stories is still very much a big part of who I am. I allowed ‘real life’ to grab my attention for a while, but now that I am in a place of contentment, I am ready to make room for writing again.

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A Sunday Afternoon

Morgennebel

I sit here, enjoying the peaceful tranquillity of the woods. Silence, almost. Only the symphony of bird song is with me here. I feel nature and it’s presence all around me: I feel liberated. I feel free. Lost in the woods with a notebook and pen and I can write about everything I see, hear, touch and feel. I no longer have to hold my breath thinking about the restrictions that are holding me back.

I am opening up to the many possibilities that my mind can create and I let myself relax into the bench I sit upon. I feel inspired. I write this, that I am repeating to you now. Just my every day thoughts. Nothing special, nothing poetic. Just what is happening here and now. I have found that I write the words I want to say better than when I wish to speak them. I don’t know why this is. No one knows I am here, this is my safe haven. Even the animals carry on with their every day adventures and I just watch them with avid curiosity. I love watching the squirrels the most, they roam free, oblivious of my existence. They pounce from branch to branch happily and the birds, well they sing a tune that brightens even my saddest day, like today.

I take everything in, clear my mind. I can hear children laughing, dogs barking and families talking in the distance and I have a sudden image flash to the front of my mind. It would be nice to come back here again someday, in the future. With my children. After being alone with my thoughts for a little while, I feel the need to explore. I start to walk through the golden leaves that lie on the ground, they crunch beneath my feet, I really love that sound. I try and release the toxins from my mind, I try to replace them with happy thoughts, I no longer want negativity to lie on my chest, I no longer want unanswered questions – I just want to feel refreshed. I focus on breathing the oxygen into my lungs, it gives me strength, it gives me fire. And so, I carry on walking.

I’ve needed this. Just me and nature – no distractions. Finally no distractions. I feel that they never help an unsolved mind. They take you away from your true self. I have found that covering up your feelings, will always lead to an unhappy heart in the end. I’m trying to unlock the place in which I store my emotions and deepest fears. I have a feeling of freedom when I am here. I wish I could just release everything I think and feel, right now, into the air that I am breathing. I’m starting to feel better after this thought and I start to feel myself smiling, a real smile.

I observe that the sky is a mixture of blues and greys and there are still no clouds in sight, but the orange is slowly starting to creep in. It’s getting a bit colder now so I start to head back onto the path that takes me home. The sun is low in the sky but it still warms my face with a glow of happiness, I put on my coat and look back and smile. A new place, a new discovery. I now feel a lift off my shoulders. I should really do this again soon. What a wonderful way to spend my Sunday afternoon.