Last week I finished my second placement, I spent five weeks in a lovely Year Five class. I have to say I really enjoyed it and felt more at home in KS2. Although it was fun, it was an exhausting month of lesson planing, late nights and paperwork. I am thankful that it’s finally half term! One week off to relax and enjoy some well-deserved rest. So far, my half term has consisted of lazy lie-ins and catching up on missed TV show episodes. I will also be going for a nice weekend break with my boyfriend to celebrate our 8 year anniversary together.
On my first placement, I found myself low in confidence and feeling uncertain about the placement that followed. At the start of my developing placement in a Year Five class, I was nervous that my subject knowledge wouldn’t be good enough, especially in maths. After two weeks in my new classroom, I had settled in, I had started to build relationships with the children and I was feeling more confident in my ability as a teacher.
After my observation, my tutor complimented me on how much I had grown as a teacher from the very first time she saw me on my first placement to the last time she saw me on my most recent placement. She told me she was proud of me and I definitely feel proud of myself. I am so surprised on how far I have come in the last six weeks. I have overcome many hurdles on both of my placements. It hasn’t been an easy ride but I am still on the crazy roller coaster that is teacher training.
I can’t believe how much time has already passed, in five short months, I will be qualified and be a primary school teacher. It’s a scary thought but also an exciting one.
I have many things to look forward to over the next couple of weeks. I will be going back to my home school, so I will get to see my little’s again. I will be returning to my university and training days and I even have a short placement in a special educational needs school in two weeks time.
It’s also the time to start applying for teaching positions for September. Me and the rest of my school direct group have mock interviews next week and I am hopefully going to start writing out a template application and a personal statement this half term, so I can start applying for positions in March.
Today is the day I’ve been waiting for, I’ve finally got a job. It’s been a year since I graduated university with a degree in Creative Writing and it’s been a tough year with a lot of rejection and a lot of disappointment but perseverance has finally paid off. When they say good things come to those who wait, it’s true but you also need to work hard and not expect anything to be easy. When I left university, I was blindly optimistic and perhaps a little naive, I thought I would get a job straight away. It’s fifteen months later and I’ve finally landed to job that I wanted. I am finally going to get paid to write. Good things are finally happening for me.
It’s been a long year and I have struggled with having no money, no job and no sense of purpose. There were some days that I didn’t want to get out of bed because I didn’t see the point. I was frustrated by the lack of momentum in not just my career but my life, I felt stuck. However, I managed to live day by day, I did my best to stay positive and I never stopped believing in myself. Now I can say that I have made it through. Years of working for magazines for free and now I will be paid to write for Female First, an online magazine that I previously worked for two years ago. They were impressed with me during my internship and contacted me directly when the freelance position came available. I believe that this will be a great opportunity for me and it’s definitely a step in the right direction.
I am learning that if you really want something in life you have to stay positive, work hard and believe that you can do it. I still have a long way to go, I don’t know where I will be working or what I will be doing in one year, five years or even ten years but if there is anything I have learnt from being in limbo waiting for a job it is this, you have to live day by day. Think about the future sometimes but don’t focus too much on it, don’t dwell on what you don’t have, what you haven’t achieved and what you will never be. Focus on being present, live your life with a positive attitude and be grateful for what you already have.
There is nothing more frustrating for a writer than a blank page.
For the last few months there has been a lot of blank pages. I have made no progress with any of my writing projects. I haven’t settled on an idea yet for a novel, I’m not writing poetry or short stories. I’m struggling to write articles and I have to sit down and remind myself to constantly update this blog.
It’s like I have nothing to say. I try my best to write but the words don’t come. I sat down at my typewriter a few days ago. I started to write a short story. I got about ten lines into it when I decided that it was rubbish, I threw it away and sat there with my head in my hands. I was frustrated with myself and I still am. Why can’t I write at the moment? I feel like I have lost all of my confidence and I have no ideas, nothing.
Writers write but right now, I’m not writing. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I have tried everything. I have given myself time, I have tried to read a book to try and get inspired, I have tried writing prompts. Some writers have to feel pain or sadness to write, for me, I think I need to be happy. At the moment, I’m not entirely happy. It’s hard to explain. I feel tired but it’s a tiredness that cannot be fixed by sleep. I don’t find writing enjoyable right now and this is hard for me because writing has always been an escape. I feel like life is trying to bring me down but I have to try and stay positive.
One day soon I will pick up my pen and write, for now, all I can do is wait until that happens…