We spend a lot of time waiting for things from other people.We’re told from a very young age that we should treat others in the same way that we expect to be treated but sometimes, despite your best efforts with someone, you get nothing in return. In this situation, some people walk away and never look back. Then there are the people that don’t give up, that carry on trying with people because they want to believe that everyone has the same heart as them, I fall into this category.
I know that I’m a nice person, I’m kind, caring and thoughtful. I’m empathetic towards everyone around me and unfortunately, this leaves me open to getting hurt. The biggest problem with being a highly sensitive person is sometimes you give so much to others, that you neglect to take care of yourself. However, I’m learning that even my heart has a limit and I have reached a point where I have to let go.
The image in my mind of how I think certain relationships in my life should be and how my family should look was leaving me emotionally empty. I was going down a path that had no end, searching for a picture-perfect life that wasn’t there. Now, I feel like I am finally at a pinnacle of acceptance. I’m moving on from the childlike family portrait idea that clouded my judgement for so long. Sometimes families fall apart, sometimes it’s people that are in no relation to you that become your family and they show you that blood is not thicker than water after all. Relationships can change over time and not always for the better.
I now know that having high expectations of other people only leads to disappointment. The only expectations I should really have in my life are those of myself. I am the creator of my own life and I should work on improving myself as a person, instead of hoping that those around me fit into a mould of unrealistic expectations. I can’t change another person, no matter how hard I try. We are who we are. We can only change ourselves. Some of us learn from our mistakes but many of us never do.
I’ve learned to accept that I will never have the relationship I wish to have with some members of my family. I’ve realised that I should focus on the good relationships I already have. My life may look a little different to what I originally imagined but there is no reason why I can’t embrace this and be happy.
Turning the corner alone, you left behind.
A daughter whose words were wise and kind.
Ripping apart all that is known.
Now all that is left is skin and bone.
The heart will heal, but respect is lost.
Change can have an unforgivable cost.
Desires of the future will never be the same.
The flickering light dims on the family flame.
The tie was love, but now just blood.
I would turn back the clock if I could.
On these separate islands that we now live.
We learn to accept and learn to forgive.
No amount of glue will fix the damage done.
One decision made. No one has won.
Living with guilt – worry – fear.
One day this earth won’t have you here.
Imperfect in your selfish way.
I choose in my life for you to stay.
Ending all this pain and strife.
For you were the one to give me life.
Heavy words lift off my chest.
I still have my mother and for that I am blessed.
I asked myself this question recently, what kind of writer do I want to be? I guess all new writers ask the same question, I mean there’s so may paths of genres to chose from and how will I know which one I’m better at? The only way to find out I have discovered is to experiment with different types of writing, so that’s what I’ve been trying to do… Writing different things.
I started writing a short piece of prose in different genres, from fantasy to thriller to romance to crime and I think my strongest genre is ‘romance.’ So I’ve decided to write a book, romance being the main genre and I feel confident about this idea! I hope I don’t leave it unfinished like I do with most pieces of my writing in the past. I need to stick to it and write as often as I can! That’s my issue, I always leave work unfinished!!! Annoying!! I would also like to attempt a children’s book eventually but one idea at a time. It makes sense really that I want to write romance, most of the books I’ve always read religiously have been in the romance/saga style.
My favourite author of all time is Nicholas Sparks and I’m not ashamed to admit it, I love the way that you can connect to his characters and his books never fail to make me laugh or cry. What can I say, his books are my guilty pleasure! My all time favourite has to be The Notebook but The Last Song and The Lucky one have to be a close second and third! I think this might be the genre for me, I’m going to explore this more and read plenty of other books in this genre.
I asked myself the question, what kind of writer do I want to be? I may have just found my answer. I’m going to start writing my book, I have already done my character profiles and the plot has been segmented into sections of events and I know the details of what is going to happen to each character. I also have a title ‘Always’, however this may change during the process of writing this book. With that conclusion, I better start writing 🙂