Teacher Training Diaries: First Week.

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I survived my first week of teacher training!

I’m studying a Primary PGCE through School Direct which means I am currently in school three days a week and training for the other two. It has been a long and tiring week but I have loved every second of it.

The week began with a visit to the university that is providing my PGCE, I went there with the rest of the school direct cohort and we have really bonded as a group. It’s nice to be on this journey together and to talk about any worries we might have about the upcoming year. There were many inductions on that day including: how to use their referencing system, how the course is structured and a short seminar on systematic synthetic phonics.

I was really nervous on Tuesday morning, knowing it would be the first day in a school as a trainee teacher. St George’s is my beginning and extending placement, which means I will be there for the majority of the school year. There is a short amount of time after Christmas where I will be at another school in KS2. In this placement, I have been put in Year 1/Year 2, a lovely mixed class full of happy five and six year olds.

I was a little apprehensive on my first day, but after the second day I was settled and felt really welcome, not just in my classroom but the whole school. My mentor (who is also the class teacher) is really supportive and I’m sure we will have a good working relationship this year to get me qualified to a high standard.

On Thursday and Friday, I did training session on unions, teaching and the law, safeguarding and behaviour and learning. There was a lot of information to take in during a short space of time but I know that the knowledge I have gained will be beneficial to my teaching practice.

Some of my highlights of the week were: playing with the children on the playground and pretending to be dragons, learning about the teaching standards, singing phonics songs and helping the children with their cursive writing. I’m eager to be back in school next week and excited to see what I will learn on my training days too.

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24 Life Lessons In 24 Years

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Life is full of lessons. Some of them we learn early on in our lives whilst others take a certain amount of time, a varied amount of experiences or many mistakes to accomplish. During my twenty-four years of life I have realised that there is still so much to learn about this crazy thing we call life. However, I can also confidently say I have already starting to create a long list of lessons that I have already learned and will continue to use throughout my life.

1. Life is too short to be unhappy.
If you are unhappy with something in your life, it doesn’t matter if it is a relationship, a job or even the place you live, change it. One day, you will look back on your life and realise you wasted a lot of time doing things that you don’t enjoy. Only create space in your life for the things that matter and the things that make you happy.

2. Travel if you can
Now I haven’t even started on my long list of places I want to travel to around the world but external circumstances have prevented me from doing so. Once I am able, I will travel to India, Thailand, Spain, France, Germany, Finland, Japan, New York and all of the other amazing places on my list. Despite the lack of funds in the last few years, I still managed to visit Dublin, Edinburgh and Vienna. I can’t wait to travel the world with the one I love and one day it will, I just know it.

3. Surround yourself with the right people
This is an important one. I have had many people leave my life as quick as they entered it because I didn’t want to be surrounded by negative people. It’s hard to push away family members or friends but if they don’t support, respect and love you in the way they should, you will be better off without them. Your happiness comes first. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not tear you down.

4. Believe in the impossible
Remember when you were five and you believed that the moon was made of cheese and fairies really did live at the bottom of your garden? Who says you still can’t believe what you want to believe? When we grow up and become adults, we kill this part of our brains. We start to only believe what other people tell us to believe and we no longer have our own individual beliefs. I believe in mermaids, magic and aliens. Laugh at me all you want, say I’m acting like a child or that I need to grow up but it’s what I believe. I want to believe in a world where anything is possible, this mentality definitely helps me make decisions in my everyday life.

5. You only get one body, look after it
I sometimes reach for the doughnut instead of the apple and I really should go to more than one exercise class a week but I never give up on trying to live a healthier life. I want to be fit and healthy, not to look good but to really take care of my body. As the years pass and I get older, I’m starting to realise the importance of looking after myself physically. It may take me a while to reach my goal of eating healthy and exercising three times a week, but I’ll get there.

6. Don’t neglect your mental health
I have had many issues with my mental health in the past few years and I know how hard it is to accept the fact that you might need help. But your mental wellbeing is just as important as your physical wellbeing. I’m never going to get rid of my anxiety disorder, it’s part of me. I just have to hope that in time, I learn new ways to manage it. I now know the signs to look for when it’s time to seek help from others.

7. Learn to laugh
Life can feel pretty serious when you’re an adult. Bills, work, families and money. It’s an endless stream of stress and responsibility. It’s easy to get caught up in it but don’t forget to smile. Laugh until your stomach hurts. Pull funny faces. Learn to have fun and really enjoy yourself.

8. A good cup of tea can solve most things
Bad day at work? Cup of tea. Problems with your family? Cup of tea. Feeling a little unwell? Cup of tea. Now, I know there is no magic in a cup of tea but it somehow makes you feel better. It feels comforting to hold a hot mug of tea when you are tired, stressed or sad. Look for the smaller things in life that bring you comfort.

9. Find time in your life for peace
It’s a hectic life and sometimes we forget to be still and enjoy some real alone time. Meditating has been life-changing for me. Whenever everything starts to build up, a few moments of meditation can bring me back to earth, make me calm and in control again. You don’t have to meditate to find peace in your day, read a book, have a long bubble bath or do some yoga.

10. Set yourself goals and work hard everyday to reach them
It’s important to set yourself goals in life, it gives you something to focus on and work towards. I like to set myself big dreams that will take years of hard work to achieve but I also give myself mini goals every day. It could be something simple such as: exercise twice a week, eat three portions of fruit a day or read more books. Goals and dreams are the foundations of a good life. Never lose your ambition, you are never too old to dream a new dream or learn something new. Remember that failure is a big part of success and if you do fail, pick yourself up and start again.

11. Find the beauty in life
It’s easy to race through life without noticing the small and beautiful things that happen every single day. No matter how bad my day is, I try my best to take a moment to appreciate my beautiful surroundings. Enjoy the colour of the sky, the trees, flowers, sunrises and sunsets.

12. A negative attitude will give a negative life
I have struggled with a negative mindset for most of my life. It’s hard to think positive and see the good in every situation, it’s taken me years or practice and sometimes no matter how hard I try, negativity wins. I try to surround myself with positive people, positive messages and regularly watch inspiring videos and listen to inspiring speeches to lift me up when I’m feeling down.

13. Don’t compare yourself to others
One of the many negative ideas that social media presents us with is that other people lead perfect lives. People only share the good moments in their lives and when your newsfeed is bombarded with happy families, holiday snaps and promotions, it can make you feel bitter about the lack of stability or progression in your own life. I have experienced this many times but I am learning to focus on myself and ignore everything I see on Facebook.

14. Love is happiness
Love is the most beautiful thing in this life. When the perfect person walks into your life, cherish them and tell them you love them every single day. I met the love of my life and my best friend when I was just eight years old. Years later we started dating and we’ve been together even since. Every day we tell each other how much we love one another and I never take him for granted. There are so many forms of love in life: relationships, friendships, family. Grab every opportunity to love and to be loved.

15. Don’t live with regrets
You don’t want to reach the end of your life and look back at all of the things you wish you had done with your time. Regret nothing. Always do what you want to do. Ignore what other people think and embrace your authentic self. Life is far too short to be hesitant. Do whatever it takes to be happy and successful, your future self will thank you for it.

16. Always learn something new
Education doesn’t end when you take off your school uniform. Life is a classroom, never stop learning and always encourage yourself to try something new. Travel the world, learn new languages, learn to paint and draw, learn to play the trumpet or the guitar, buy some books and learn about Greek mythology or Astrology. You’ll never know whether you’ll like something until you try it.

17. Not everyone in life is going to like you and that’s okay
You can’t please everyone, no mater how hard you try. I have this uncontrollable need to please people and sometimes I have to remind myself that not everyone in this life is going to like me and I have to accept that. Not everyone will have the same heart as me, I’ve come across many selfish and narcissistic people in my life that don’t see the world the same way that I do. We’re not all the same, that’s what makes life interesting. Just remind yourself that if people don’t like you, that’s their problem, not yours.

18. Plans don’t always work out
Life is unpredictable. I have learned to accept that things don’t always go my way. Unexpected things happen that I have no control over, the best thing to do when this happens is to deal with it and learn from the experience. Sometimes things happen for a reason and failure leads you to another path to success. I learnt that after years of rejection, that I was chasing the wrong dream, picking the wrong career for myself. This experience lead me to discover my passion for teaching.

19. Stand up for what you believe in
When we’re young, we think that our voice doesn’t matter and what we have to say is invalid because of our lack of life experience, this isn’t true. If you have a strong opinion about something, speak loud and proud. Stand up for what you believe in and don’t let anyone make you feel inferior. Be yourself and never let anyone negatively influence your faith, your opinions or your perspective on life.

20. Learn to forgive others and yourself
A lesson I have definitely learned in the last few years is that forgiveness never comes easy. Holding onto poisonous emotions such as hate, anger and resentment can send you spiralling down a road of unhappiness. As well as learning to forgive others for the way they have mistreated us, we must also learn in this life to forgive ourselves and be at peace with our past mistakes.

21. Enjoy the journey
It’s so easy to live in the past or focus on the future but if you don’t live in the moment, you miss all the wonderful things that are happening in your life. It’s good to focus on your big dreams and goals but don’t forget to enjoy the journey. I am learning that giving myself a few moments during the day to take a deep cleansing breath and allow myself to be in the present moment really helps me to focus on the journey, rather than the destination.

22. Believe in yourself, no matter what
If you don’t believe in yourself, then nobody will. People will treat you based on what you think about yourself. If you have no confidence in your abilities to succeed, then no one will give you the opportunity to reach your full potential. If you don’t believe that you are worthy of a good and happy life, then you will never achieve one.

23. Good things take time
I’ve learned in the last few years that good things take time and that patience really is a virtue. It’s frustrating when you life isn’t going the way you planned or the goals you want to achieve are still our of reach. However, timing is everything. Sometimes things happen for a reason and we are actually where we need to be, even if it doesn’t feel like it. I have to admit, it has taken me a long time to accept that the timeline of my life isn’t going to be how I imagined it. But I have to trust myself and know that if I want something badly enough, it will happen.

24. Gratitude is the key to happiness
When you don’t have a lot in life, it’s easy to feel bitter about it and shout from the rooftops that ‘life isn’t fair.’ However, there are a lot of things to be thankful for in your life; having a home, a wardrobe full of clothes, fresh food and clean water. If you think of a three things you are grateful for every day, it will enrich your life and bring you more happiness. The more you express your gratitude, the more things you will have to be grateful for. I believe in the law of attraction, that it is up to us what we choose to focus our attention on, think of the negatives and you will life a negative life. Choose positivity!

 

Teacher Training Diaries: Summer Preparation.

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I have decided to start a series of blog posts about my experience on my teacher training course, which begins in September. It will be submitted as evidence of my progress, a reflection of my pedagogy as a trainee teacher and a perspective of my journey from PGCE to NQT.

It is four weeks until my course begins. My summer preparations include: taking as much time as possible to relax before the craziness starts, reading up on the national curriculum and familiarising myself particularly with KS1 (as this is my main school placement), learning about phonics and all the jargon that goes alongside it and doing a short course online provided by the university to remind myself of the academic writing standards and referencing systems.

I am training to become a primary school teacher through the school direct route. What this means is that I learn all of the practical aspects of being a teacher in a chosen school and two days a week, I complete the academic side of the course, the PGCE, with a university.

I decided to do this route because I wanted the hands-on approach to learning. It’s been three years since I graduated university and I didn’t want to begin my training by returning to a lecture hall. I wanted to observe, be in the classroom environment and see every side to teaching, the good and the bad. I have one years experience as a Teaching Assistant, but I doubt it will prepare me fully for how difficult it is to be a teacher.

I feel a mixture of nervousness and excitement as September approaches. My biggest worries are my overall confidence in the classroom, managing behaviour and juggling the academic side with the practical aspect of the course. Luckily, I am one of those organised-obsessed-colour-coding-highlighting-everything kind of people, so I will have no problem with staying organised. I am good at managing my time and creating to-do lists is second nature to me. I also think the reflection part of the course will be naturally easier for me, as the basis of my Creative Writing degree was learning to reflect on yourself and your writing. The only difference is, I will be reflecting not on my writing, but my teaching practice.

The next blog post will probably be after my first week on the teacher training course. I can only guess that I will probably be exhausted, I will be running on caffeine and adrenaline and I’m sure I will be feeling overwhelmed but excited about the year ahead. Wish me luck, I’m going to need it!

My First Week As A Teaching Assistant.

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I survived my first week as a Teaching Assistant.

This week I’ve been overwhelmed and exhausted, I’ve felt nervous, anxious and even a little bit awkward at times. However, I wouldn’t change a thing about it. The first week was a chance to find my feet, learn, observe and discover if being a Teaching Assistant really was a perfect fit for me. I’m happy to say that it is. I love children, I love education and I love to help others and make a difference. Perfect job 🙂

Going into a brand new school, meeting new people and building relationships with the children in my class is all a little bit scary. The school I am working at is huge. There are lots of rules to learn and procedures to follow. I know that I’m never going to have the same day twice and that’s one of the many things I love about it.

The staff at my school have been so welcoming, every single person you pass on the corridor asks how you are and if you are settling in. The team feeling in the school is comforting and makes the transition from being unemployed to full-time Teaching Assistant a lot easier for me.

The only thing that wears me down a little is the travel. Due to the distance between my house and the school, I have to get up at 5.30am every day and travel for an hour and a half on two buses. This can and will be frustrating some days but it will be worth it. I may have only just started my career as a Teaching Assistant but I’m already thinking ahead about whether or not I want to train to be a teacher.

I think the only thing that is making me hesitate is my lack of confidence in myself. I know deep down I can do it and I would be an amazing primary school teacher but my insecurities and anxieties hold me back. Only time will tell if I have what it takes to be a teacher but right now, I’m enjoying being a Teaching Assistant. I will learn something different from every teacher I work with and all of my experiences will shape my future career and my future self.

 

Liebster Award – I’ve Been Nominated!!


The first time I was nominated for the Liebster Award was June last year by Dare To Dream, Live To Write. She said some really nice things about my blog and since then my blog has taken on a different identity, attracted more readers and inspired many people so thank you to KatWilson04 for nominating me for the Libester Award 2015.

Here are KatWilson04‘s questions and my answers:

  1. What cartoon character would you be and why? I would say I’m Tinkerbell from Peter Pan. I’ve been called Tinkerbell quite a few times by different friends growing up. I’m small, fiesty and can be ill-tempered. Tinkerbell has two sides to her personality, she can be jealous and firey but also kind and loving. Minus the blonde hair, I’ve been told by a lot of people that I remind them of Tinkerbell.
  2. One item of clothing you couldn’t live without? Oooh, that’s a hard one. Probably my favourite pair of jeans that I wear most of the time. Although I really love my fashion scarves. I have quite a collection now and wear them with different outfits, my favourite is a pink butterfly one that I have just bought. It’s not the piece of clothing I couldn’t live without per say, but it is my favourite thing to wear right now.
  3. What made you start blogging? We were told in our first year at university on my Creative Writing course that we had to create one for class, so that we could review the books that we were reading but since then AnotherBeautifulRhyme has become so much more than that. It’s a place of expression, inspiration and motivation. I want to inspire people with words, talk about my journey as a writer and talk about my love for yoga and my journey to happiness. I’m really proud of how my blog has turned into something positive and I love seeing how many people like my posts, it makes my day.
  4. What’s the best question you’ve ever been asked and why and what was your response? The best question I’ve ever been asked is if you could live in another era, which one would it be? I love questions like that because I’ve always wondered what it would be like to live in the 50’s, I’m fascinated by that era and although being a woman in that time period was extremely hard, I really love the idea of living in that time, I love the style of music, the fashion and the simplicity of life. I sometimes think I was born at the wrong time.
  5. If you could be part of a band/music group, who would you choose and why? I would be Taylor Swift’s back up singer definitely. I’ve always been a huge fan of hers, I found a video of her playing on YouTube before she was even famous and before she even released her first CD. I’ve been a fan ever since and I feel a connection with her even though we have never met. If she lived next door to me and she wasn’t a famous singer, we would probably be best friends because we are very similar. I would be her back up singer because I feel like I have always been there for her as a fan, so it would be cool to be on stage with her every night and watch her shine.
  6. What’s your favourite recipe, and where did you get it from? I’m not really a cook and it isn’t my recipe but my mother in law makes the best Spaghetti Bolognese. She’s shown me how to make it a few times and I just love it!
  7. If you could move to live in another place or country, where would it be and why? That’s a hard question! I’m one of those people. I’m in love with countries I have never visited and in love with people I have never met. I can’t wait to travel the world, explore new cultures, meet new people and experience new things. I like the idea of Italy, Rome to be exact. There is a romantic notion associated with it and I believe that it would be a great place to live and it would be a great place for a writer to be inspired on a daily basis.
  8. What one thing would you change about the world permanently and why? I would change the way we treat each other, the way the world is divided. Without money, religion, race or class, the world would be a completely different place, a nicer place. I would get rid of these divisions somehow. I have never understood the way the world works and I often dream of a better way things could be.
  9. Favourite animal? I love animals, I have a Guinea Pig called Theo and I adore him, I love dogs, orangutans, elephants, tigers, bears and meerkats. I prefer animals to humans sometimes.
  10. Favourite perfume/fragrance? I love Taylor by Taylor Swift, it smells sweet yet sophisticated at the same time, I love it!
  11. If you could give one tip or one bit of advice to a person, what would it be? I give a lot of advice to other people but rarely follow it myself and I really should. My one bit of advice would simply be this, be happy. Find a way to be happy with your life. We all have problems, challenges to face and things we are waiting for but if you learn to be content with the way your life is right now you will be much happier. Don’t forget to appreciate and love the people around you and most importantly, love yourself.Thank you for the questions KatWilson04! 

    Here are eleven random facts about me.1. My eyes change colour, sometimes they are green and sometimes they are blue and sometimes they are both green and blue (magic!).

    2. I prefer the inbetween seasons, Spring and Autumn. Winter is too cold and Summer is too hot. I love Spring because of the pink blossom on the trees and I love daffodils. Autumn is a beautiful season because of the orange and red leaves falling to the ground.

    3. I started writing poetry at the age of five, yes really, I found one of my old poems and I was five, nearly six when I wrote it. I’ve always loved poetry and always been obsessed with rhyme, hence my blog title.

    4. I love pugs! I’ve always wanted a dog growing up and I really want a pug and hopefully, when me and my boyfriend get our own house in the future, we can have a pug or maybe even two!

    5.  I am the world’s biggest procrastinator. I want to write, I let ideas float around in my mind for weeks before I actually write them down. I start the day with hopes of writing my novel ideas down and writing poetry but I always end up watching Pretty Little Liars or searching for new music on YouTube.

    6. I always want to learn something new, I taught myself how to play the guitar and keyboard and I have recently reached level one in British Sign Language and I really love it. I’m not sure what the next thing will be, maybe I will learn Spanish or learn how to draw.

    7. My favourite colour is Green.

    8. I love old music, anything from the sixties, seventies, eighties or nineties. I prefer it to modern music.

    9. I wear glasses, I can’t see anything clearly without them.

    10. I started doing yoga over a year ago and it has changed my life. I practice Hatha Yoga and also love to meditate.

    11. I play acoustic guitar, keyboard and sing.

I nominate…

AHeartAFire
SendSunshine
LifeIsGolden
JennyInNeverland
InsaneOwl
LemonsAreSweet
CatLumb
SheWritesOfLife
LittleOnionWrites
BookBooster
TheBookKitten

Here are your questions:

1. What’s your favourite season of the year and why?
2. Where do you see yourself in ten years time?
3. What’s the meaning behind your blog name?
4. What’s your favourite thing about life?
5. If you could live anywhere else in the world, where would it be and why?
6. Which three novels would you recommend to your friends?
7. What is your biggest dream?
8. What is your biggest fear?
9. What’s your favourite thing about yourself?
10. If you could be any person for one day, who would you be and why?
11. Why do you love to blog?

Six Simple Rules Of The Liebster Award

The F Word

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Future. It’s a word that has been circling around my mind a little bit too much recently. My future seemed so far away a couple of months ago, as I sat behind a desk at university, I had it all figured out in my head. I felt optimistic that everything would work out and somebody would give me a job. Well it hasn’t happened yet. I just sit at home all day fantasizing about the life that I will have once someone takes a chance on me and I am earning some real money. It’s frustrating and I’m not the only one who feels this way.

A few weeks ago I applied for a job that I really wanted and I knew that I would be perfect for it. I aced all parts of the job application and interview and I had my fingers and toes crossed tightly for an email telling me that I had the job. Of course life never works out the way you want it to. I didn’t receive an email, a few days later after I contacted them, I found out why I didn’t get it. It wasn’t me they said. It’s another person. They had more experience than me. What?!

It was a junior position that I was applying for. Surely that meant you didn’t need any experience, it was a position to put you on the career ladder. An entry level position made for graduates such as me. I was angry at first because I knew that I was so close to getting the dream job and I knew that I would have to go back to job hunting and sitting at home bored. I am grateful for the many casual writing jobs I have done over the past two years, they have given me great experience and they look wonderful in my ever-growing portfolio but I need a full time position.

I have just graduated university and I should be feeling happy and I do, but this is the first time in my life that I feel really stuck. I’m waiting around for life to happen to me and I have no control over what happens next. I know people tell you that there is more to life than money or a career and you should enjoy the present moment but let’s be realistic here. I need money to pay for things, go out and enjoy myself and I can’t do any of that if no one gives me a job. I’ve applied for dozens of jobs since I finished my classes in April and the one job that I wanted I didn’t get. I honestly feel like giving up some days. Why is it so hard to get going?

I fear the future because I have high expectations on what I want my life to be. I’m not the sort of person who will settle for something because I have no other choice. Although I feel frustrated and fed up about the career part of my life, I know that I will find something. Maybe life has a different plan for me? I might want to be a copywriter but the universe might be telling me otherwise. I have to try and put a positive spin on my position because if I don’t, I will only feel sadness and life is too short to feel that way.

The future feels daunting sometimes and although the uncertainty of it takes me outside my comfort zone, I know that the future will be bright, no matter what happens. Sometimes you have to give yourself a little pep talk. Try to be positive and keep your chin up. I’m trying my best to appreciate the present moments instead of worrying about the future. To do that though I may have to switch my brain off, wish me luck!

My Name In Black & White

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I have been extremely busy over the past couple of weeks so forgive me for not updating my blog as often as I should be doing. I have been juggling university work with my two new writing jobs. I am now a blogger for Grads.co.uk and a book reviwer at Good Vibrations Magazine. They are both unpaid positions but I finally feel like I am getting my name out there, in black and white. I am building up a portfolio and making contacts and that is exactly what I need to be doing if I want a career in writing. I feel like my brain is buzzing but in a good way. I am trying to write, do my university work, read as much as possible and have time for myself but I like being busy. I now have three unpaid writing experiences under my belt, Female First internship, Blogger experience, Book Reviewing experience. I am giddy, I am happy and content with how things are at the minute. I do tend to panic over the fact that I am finishing university soon and I graduate in July but I feel like I should just breathe and take it all in.

One day, I hope to see my name in black and white in a printed magazine or even better – my own novel! But for now I will settle with my name being splashed across the world wide web. I am fighting for this because it is my passion. I just want to write. Whether I end up writing slogans, novels, articles or reviews – I will be happy as long as I can write. I know that I will have to get any job when I finish university, so that I can save up some money and me and my boyfriend can get a place of our own and we can both start our careers in our chosen paths. Writing is something that I will always do for me but being able to write professionally and get paid for it – well, that’s the dream. There are writers out there that do it and it takes a lot of confidence, talent and thick skin (something that I lack but I will get better with rejections in time.)

If you head over to my the published tab on my home page – there will be links to my newly published pieces on both Grads.co.uk & Good Vibrations Magazine.

Unexpected Situations.

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So yesterday something unexpected happened. I guess I finally realised how horrible some people can be. I mean what sort of person would purposefully hurt someone else, a stranger, someone they had never met? Well, these people exist and I am ashamed to say this person assaulted me whilst I was on the bus. I was getting on the bus, just like I do all of the time, when this girl starts verbally attacking me for no reason, she started to listen to my private conversation that I was having with a friend, she chose to make comments on what I was saying, my appearance and threatened to snap my glasses in half if I carried on looking at her.

I of course asked her what her problem was, I only received more grief. I decided to ignore her from this point by putting my earphones in, but she sat down next to me, tried to take my I pod so I pushed her away. She punched me twice in the face. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t even feel pain. I just froze. Do you know what really disgusts me about this unpleasant experience? It disgusts me that no one, not one person on the bus helped me. Not one. They all just watched. Even when she got off the bus. No one did anything. At this point I had lost all faith in humanity. No one helped me. I felt helpless and I was in shock for quite a while, the update now is that I have filed a report to the police. Hopefully the CCTV has caught her on tape. Even if they do not catch her I am still glad that I told the police.

I guess I have always been the sort of person that walks around in a bubble. Not really noticing things around me. Especially not possible threats or people that are a danger to me. I knew that things like this happened in the world, to other people. But not to me. I never expected it to happen to me. I guess it has made me realise what sort of world we are living in now. It’s a cruel world that is full of cruel people and I really hope that it doesn’t happen to me again. We live in a society now that doesn’t care and it is only going to get worse. I just feel sorry for the next generation and the generation after that. I can’t prepare myself for the unexpected because life just doesn’t work that way. But I can learn lessons. Life is full of lessons. Even if we do not realise what we have learnt from them straight away.

The lesson I have learnt from this experience is to try and be more aware of the world around me. To realise that not all people have kind hearts like me and actually have a desire to help people. People mistake kindness for weakness and I have learnt that I need to stand up for myself a bit more. Be more confident when it comes to confrontation instead of shying away from the difficult situations I come across. Yesterday something unexpected happened and I’m just going to try and forget about it an move on. She didn’t hurt me and I’m probably never going to see her again. I still can’t believe that someone would do that but I guess it’s because I see the good in people rather than the bad and I think, no matter how hard I try – that isn’t going to change because that’s just me.

I may be a flawed human being with my own struggles and my own views on this crazy world but I would never physically hurt another person intentionally. It just isn’t me and I am proud of who I am. I am a good person and even though good people sometimes finish last. Karma will hit that bitch straight in the face one day and I strongly believe that 🙂

My First Year At University

edgehill

A year ago I was deciding which university to go to and which course I wanted to study. It was a difficult time for me because I had to make a life choice that was going to effect the rest of my life. Leaving performing behind I decided to take a leap of faith and enrol on the Creative Writing course. I realised a sense of belonging from the moment I started my degree, I thought that being a performer was my life goal and I was too blind to see all along that I was meant to be a writer. I should have known this really, writing poems from the age of five and entering and winning many competitions could have been a big clue but I was sure of becoming an actress. After a lot of stress, tears and realisation I decided to try and achieve a different dream. My heart wasn’t in acting any more and I knew I had to try something different. Getting on the Creative Writing course was a task like no other. Originally combining Drama and Creative Writing I still wanted to hang on to performing. I passed the audition but was advised not to do both together by the university. A devastating blow I have to say. I had two different choices and I had to choose the one that would be the best for me.

I went with my heart in the end and chose to do Creative Writing course by itself. I’m not good at making decisions in life and I often wonder if it was the right choice. When arriving at university I knew it was. The first year of my degree is over and I have learnt so much about myself in the process. I always knew I had the ability to write but I didn’t realise the potential I held to be  a professional writer. I have fully enjoyed learning about writing this year and I hope that my talent in writing grows even more to the standard it has to be, to be published. As for the moving away from home and living by myself part of moving to university. This is the part that scared me the most. I was dependant on my parents and I knew nothing about coping by myself.

I could have quite easily took a gap year before actually applying but I knew I had to challenge myself and dive into the pool of independence. Of course I was scared, terrified even. Sounds stupid now I know how easy it is but when you are eighteen and have no idea about washing, ironing, food shopping or managing money it’s quite the challenge. I knew I had to grow up quickly and I think this was in my favour, it was the right time too. I did get homesick and lonely at times but I started to love living by myself. It’s a novelty when you first arrive at university accommodation. Friends to hang out with all the time, going to the pub and having a few drinks and getting to know other people you are going to live with for the next year. However, by the time I reached the half way mark in the year I started to resent living here and I started to miss my family and friends back home. I don’t live far from the university and saw my family every two weeks and my boyfriend every weekend but still I was lacking something.

The novelty of living by myself started to wear off when the work load piled on top of me and I didn’t have the money to go out as often. I became a sensible student, budgeting and doing my work instead of having fun. I’m not necessarily saying it’s a bad thing. Most students I know have debts up to their eyeballs and are still smiling. If that was me my stress levels would be through the roof. I guess I like to take control of my life now I am independent. I like to go food shopping and buy what I want to buy, I only buy what I need and save up for a few weeks if there is a nice outfit or a pair of shoes I like. I don’t think students realise the sacrifices they need to make. This started to rub off on my friends and their opinion of me certainly turned to being annoyed. That’s what I think anyway. I started telling them what to do with their money and not to go out when they had work, I felt like their mother.

I’ve realised now it’s time to go home for the summer that I need to relax about money. I can still budget and not be too hard on myself. I have learned many life lessons in a short space of time and I feel wiser, mature and ready to take on anything that life throws at me. I’ve learnt that being on your own can be scary at first but it gets better. I’ve learnt that trying something new is a fun way of testing yourself and you could be surprised with the outcome. I’ve learnt not to trust people so easily. Friends may appear to be friends but you never really know what another person is thinking. Someone who I met at university, I called her my friend. Told her things about me in comfortable situations and most importantly, I trusted her. Never again will I trust so easily because lies can be well hidden. She’s not the person I thought she was but I’m ready to move on and forget about our friendship.

I know who my true friends are now. I’ve opened my eyes since being here. I’ve learnt that I can do anything I set my mind too if I just try. I never thought I would be here at this point in my life. I’m happy and I’m ready for all the possibilities that await me. My first year at university has shaped me into a different person than I once was. I’m the most confident I have ever been and even though I still have my bad days. I’ve finally started to believe in myself. And for me, that’s a miracle.