Something that amazes me about life, is how quickly it can change. How one decision can make a big impact on your future and how making the right one can change your perspective on the world. It also amazes me how quickly people can enter your life and how quickly they can leave, and as I get older I am becoming more acquainted with this process. I can cast my mind back to a couple of months ago for example and I realise how different my perspective was in that situation. This was a time when my head was full of questions and doubts about what I really wanted and I felt that everyone and everything around me was dragging me down. It was a dark place and I knew I had to take drastic action to achieve the happiness I knew I deserved.
A couple of months ago I was living with three other people, in student accommodation. I thought it was what I wanted, the student life. But, what happened was the people around me started to change and I felt like I was changing too and not in a good way. I guess I was caught up in my emotions, hoping for some salvation to bring a smile to my face. I had many things in my life that brought a smile to my face at that time, but the bad and stressful aspects of my life were starting to overshadow the light. I have learned now that people can have a powerful influence over you, without you really realising it. I was becoming a person I didn’t want to be. I complained about everything, all of the time. I was tired, fed up and lonely. I was surrounded by a sea of people but I still felt alone. I was unhappy and even considered quitting university. I knew after a while that I needed to make a big decision. To stay miserable, or do something about it.
Now I am many things, but immature is one thing that I am not. Of course I have my moments of immaturity. Times when I feel like a child, a free spirit of unlimited possibility. But when stepping up to my responsibilities, I think that I have a maturity wiser than my years. I guess it shows how much I have grown as a person since I became independent. Normally, I wouldn’t be able to reach that place in my mind where I think, ‘You know what I am unhappy and I am going to control this situation and do something about it.’ I feel strongly that I can do this now. I feel in control of my decisions and my life and even though it took me a while to accomplish this, I am glad I finally got to this place.
I look at the way my life is now and on bad days I do ponder about what I could be doing, or where I could be. I think that’s the problem with human beings. We can have everything, be blessed with a life full of joy and happiness – but it still isn’t enough. We always want more. We always ask ‘what if.’ On good days, like today. I clear my mind of all negativity and say to myself ‘Life is good.’ Because it is. Lets face it. Life is beautiful. I think that we all dwell on the things we don’t have and forget about the things we do have. I have an amazing family. They might not be perfect and we all might not get along sometimes but I know that they will always be there for me when I need them. I have an amazing boyfriend. Someone who I know will be my future fiancé/husband/father of my children.. I can feel it in my bones, like an electricity of certainty and hope. I know he is the one person who will be with me on this journey that we call life. I have amazing friends. It’s funny how people who I thought were my friends (the three people I mentioned earlier) disappear like ghosts of the night when times get tough. I don’t waste my time on people like that any more.
I deserve to have friends in my life that understand me, accept me and love me for all of my flaws and insecurities. Since leaving those unworthy friends behind I have realised that my true friends were there all along, waiting for me to accept their friendship. I couldn’t be happier with the friends I have right now. I have old friends, that can only be described as stars in the sky. I might not always be able to see them but I know that they are always there for me. I think the most important thing for me to remember is I have a future that is bright. I can do anything that I want. I can be whoever I decide to be. I know I love to write. I know that I have a talent with words. I am not a big-headed person and never will be. But that is something that I truly believe. Writing is a talent that I truly believe in. I do not know where life is going to take me and once upon a time this used to be one of my biggest fears. But with all of these amazing people in my life I know that I will be okay, whatever I decide to do. I think the philosophy of life I now live by – comes down to these six words.
‘When one door closes, another opens..’