Opinion

Impossible & Possible Dreams

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When we are little we have wide eyes when it comes to the world around us.. Eyes that are full of wonder and unimaginable possibilities like being a princess, an astronaut or a film star. But we grow out of these impossible dreams and start to wonder about the possible dreams we can reach. We realise that the world doesn’t owe us anything and we have to dream possible dreams rather than impossible ones. We realise that there isn’t a plan for each and everyone of us and we have to make our own decisions and our own mistakes. I have had my fair share of dreams and even though I am young I have changed my path more than I should have. But what happens when you are frozen and unable to realise your next dream? Waiting for the next calling to come along like warmth in the winter to show you the way? I feel this way at the moment. I am searching for another dream.

My youngest childhood dream was to be a mermaid, bare in mind I was three years old and I actually believed that Ariel was real and crabs really did sing, but that is my earliest memory of dreaming and I was quite an imaginative child. I grew up wanting to be a number of things, an actress on TV was a big dream of mine, I also wanted to be a poet at one point and I had a phase of wanting to be a fashion designer (I was unaware of the fact that I couldn’t draw at the time). When I was old enough to understand what I really wanted I settled on being an actress. The people around me knew it was very unlikely that it would happen but I was oblivious, ambitious and in my own bubble. I really wish I wasn’t in my own bubble though sometimes, I don’t regret having that dream or trying to reach it, I just think if I was a little less ambitious at such a young age, I would have released my potential to maybe excel in something else. But we learn from these experiences, I learnt that I was ‘acting’ confident when I was performing and I was ‘acting’ like someone I wanted to be but I wasn’t being true to myself.

Since quitting performing I have realised this, I wasn’t being my true self and even though as a result my confidence has suffered, I realised that it was a pipe dream, that’s all it was ever going to be. I then decided to take a leap of faith and do a creative writing degree, I wrote as a hobby and I wanted to go to university to pursue a career in my passion. Sometimes I feel a little pinch of regret, I rushed into studying at university and I know that I do not have another option to go back, if I wish to change career paths again. I know there are many different jobs I can get with my degree, once I complete it. Publishing, journalism, article writing, marketing and advertising, editor and many more. I would love to be a novelist but it is simply a hobby, you can not make a living from it. Unless you are J K Rowling then maybe you can. I feel like I am stuck at the moment and I don’t know what to do next. Dream wise that is.

For the first time I have no impossible dream, no goal and no drive. I just want to be happy in the future, of course I want kids and a nice house and a good job. But the good job is blank in my mind, like a white piece of paper with no inscription. I have no dream to reach and I am finding it difficult because dreaming big is what defines me. It is a big part of my personality. I am a dreamer. I know I should let the future write itself but I am a perfectionist, I like to be in control. I need to start thinking about my future soon because it waits for no one, not even me. Maybe it will hit me one day, maybe I will realise what my purpose is and what I should be doing?

I know I love to write. I know I love to sing. I know I love to play the guitar. But all of these things remain hobbies because I haven’t got the confidence to pursue any of them. It saddens me that I will never be what I truly want to be, a singer-songwriter. I believe that I don’t have enough talent, I believe that I don’t have the skills and I believe that it is an unreachable dream. I feel like I have grown out of these childlike dreams and I need to find something that will satisfy my creative urges but also be achievable. I always knew that this would happen. There are only so many impossible dreams you can pass through before you have to decide on a possible one. I am searching for another dream. But right now I think I should focus on the present and trust life for once. Trust that things will be okay and I will find another dream. A possible dream. One day.

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Stories

Learning To Move On

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The frosty air is icy cold against my skin; it must be time for winter once again. I walk down a familiar street. I have my scarf wrapped around my neck and earmuffs protecting my ears from the howling wind. I try and look ahead but the pressure of the wind is gushing against my face. The air smells fresh, I can smell damp. It must have rained earlier that day, I thought. I can still taste the hot chocolate I had moments before and I still feel its warmth. The wind intertwines with the branches of the nearby trees.

I’ve been walking for a while now and the air appears to be getting colder. I look up at the pale white sky, no patches of blue in sight. A few minutes later I feel a snowflake land on my cheek, the snow begins to fall softly at first. I don’t have far to go now before I reach the place I have been longing to visit. I couldn’t face this day a year ago, still battled with grief I refused to go there.

Minutes later the snow emerged from the sky. The white flakes fall like shooting stars. I was almost there. I walked past an old Victorian styled house; I could smell a burning coal fire. I didn’t like this smell. It reminded me of a burning bonfire on a crisp November’s night not so long ago. The smoke rose out of the chimney and it filled my lungs with the dirty soot, I coughed violently. I only had a few more yards to go and I could feel the pit of my stomach twisting into knots of anticipation. I stood at the iron gates. I had come all of this way, I had to do it now. I tumbled across the uneven ground and there it was.

My mother’s grave stone. I could taste sick in my mouth, it hadn’t occurred to me it would be this hard. My throat was dry. I looked at the ancient stone walls surrounding the church. They reminded me of another place. I knelt down, holding back the tears. The pain of guilt overwhelmed me. My heart sank like a bottomless pit as I began to relive the memories of my mother and me. I miss her. I want to be with her right now. I am finally here to say goodbye, finally facing the demons of the past year. I choked back the tears. “Hello mum” I croaked.

Opinion

Unexpected Situations.

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So yesterday something unexpected happened. I guess I finally realised how horrible some people can be. I mean what sort of person would purposefully hurt someone else, a stranger, someone they had never met? Well, these people exist and I am ashamed to say this person assaulted me whilst I was on the bus. I was getting on the bus, just like I do all of the time, when this girl starts verbally attacking me for no reason, she started to listen to my private conversation that I was having with a friend, she chose to make comments on what I was saying, my appearance and threatened to snap my glasses in half if I carried on looking at her.

I of course asked her what her problem was, I only received more grief. I decided to ignore her from this point by putting my earphones in, but she sat down next to me, tried to take my I pod so I pushed her away. She punched me twice in the face. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t even feel pain. I just froze. Do you know what really disgusts me about this unpleasant experience? It disgusts me that no one, not one person on the bus helped me. Not one. They all just watched. Even when she got off the bus. No one did anything. At this point I had lost all faith in humanity. No one helped me. I felt helpless and I was in shock for quite a while, the update now is that I have filed a report to the police. Hopefully the CCTV has caught her on tape. Even if they do not catch her I am still glad that I told the police.

I guess I have always been the sort of person that walks around in a bubble. Not really noticing things around me. Especially not possible threats or people that are a danger to me. I knew that things like this happened in the world, to other people. But not to me. I never expected it to happen to me. I guess it has made me realise what sort of world we are living in now. It’s a cruel world that is full of cruel people and I really hope that it doesn’t happen to me again. We live in a society now that doesn’t care and it is only going to get worse. I just feel sorry for the next generation and the generation after that. I can’t prepare myself for the unexpected because life just doesn’t work that way. But I can learn lessons. Life is full of lessons. Even if we do not realise what we have learnt from them straight away.

The lesson I have learnt from this experience is to try and be more aware of the world around me. To realise that not all people have kind hearts like me and actually have a desire to help people. People mistake kindness for weakness and I have learnt that I need to stand up for myself a bit more. Be more confident when it comes to confrontation instead of shying away from the difficult situations I come across. Yesterday something unexpected happened and I’m just going to try and forget about it an move on. She didn’t hurt me and I’m probably never going to see her again. I still can’t believe that someone would do that but I guess it’s because I see the good in people rather than the bad and I think, no matter how hard I try – that isn’t going to change because that’s just me.

I may be a flawed human being with my own struggles and my own views on this crazy world but I would never physically hurt another person intentionally. It just isn’t me and I am proud of who I am. I am a good person and even though good people sometimes finish last. Karma will hit that bitch straight in the face one day and I strongly believe that 🙂

Reviews

‘Red’ By Taylor Swift CD Review

“They’re all pretty much about the tumultuous, crazy, insane, intense, semi-toxic relationships I’ve experienced in the last two years” says Swift about her new 16 track album – Red. Swift’s latest album was released on October 22nd and is already a big success, selling an outstanding 1,208, 000 copies in the US in the first week.  The album’s lead single ‘We are never ever getting back together’ (A rather long title I have to say) was a worldwide success and reached the top position on I tunes in just fifty minutes!! Many critics believe that this is a new beginning for Taylor as she proves with ‘Red’ that she knows how to ‘mix it up’ and ‘keep her fans interested.’ As a fan of Taylor, I was hoping for something bigger and better when I heard about her new album being released and I have to say I am not disappointed.

I really like the track ‘We are never ever getting back together’, the hook is catchy and simple and even haters will find themselves singing when it sounds through the radio speakers. I have to admit the lyrics for this particular track are not Taylor’s lyrical best but I believe that her aim for this track was to make a statement that her music is changing. And her music is changing, but why are people saying this in such a negative way? An artist has to evolve or else they will fade into obscurity before they can even say ‘Grammy.’ I am glad Taylor has ‘mixed it up’ on this record and I enjoyed the mix of genres, beats and instruments on the different tracks on this album. A few of my personal favourites are ‘The Lucky One’, ‘Treacherous’ and ‘All to Well.’ Another track that stands out on this record for me is the duet, collaboration with British sensation Ed Sheeran. The track is titled ‘Everything has changed’ and the funky guitar accompaniment along with Taylor and Ed harmonies is music perfection. I know that was a little biased but I can not slate this album, even if I tried. Even if I was not a Taylor fan, I just couldn’t. Swift chose to write with other artists and writers on this album, such as Gary Lightbody (Snow Patrol), Ed Sheeran and a very well-known songwriter Martin Shellback who wrote for other artists such as Pink, Maroon 5 and Britney Spears. Which would explain the overall pop theme throughout the album.

If you are a massive fan of Swift like me, then the normal CD isn’t good enough so you must have the desirable deluxe edition which contains an acoustic version of the track ‘State of Grace’, two original demo recordings of ‘Treacherous’ and ‘Red’ and three extra tracks ‘The Moment I knew’, ‘Girl at home’ and ‘Come back.. be here.’ At the age of 22, Taylor is anything but a pigeon-holed artist and even though she is straying a little bit from her country roots there are two tracks, ‘All to well’ and ‘The Moment I knew’ that remind me of the country girl she once was. These two ballad tracks remind me of her 3rd album ‘Speak Now.’ Lyrically I believe this is her best album to date and a few of my favourite lines are ‘ Hey you called me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest I’m a crumbled up piece of paper lying here.’ (All to Well) Another favourite of mine is a lyric from the self titled single (Red) ‘Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you, memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favourite song’ and last but not least a lyric from Treacherous ‘I can’t decide if it’s a choice, getting swept away.. I hear the sound of my own voice asking you to stay. And all we are is skin and bone trained to get along.. Forever going with the flow but you’re friction.’

Many people believe that Taylor Swift is another pop-star that will fade out of the limelight eventually and will be replaced by another ‘American Sweetheart’ with blonde hair and a squeaky clean image. Well, after the success of her new album Red I think Swift is going to stick around for a little bit longer. If she carries on with the same attitude with her next album and the one after that then Taylor will be one of the pop sensations that will actually stick around and I am glad to hear it. I recommend that you buy this album because it is full of acoustic, country, pop tracks and the lyrics are oozing with talent. People do not believe that Taylor is a credible songwriter because of her pop star persona but if you actually listen to her music, read her lyrics and bestow your own meaning upon them, then you will realise that Taylor Swift’s music is song writing gold.

Rating – 5 stars

Poems

The Red Sea

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The cold touch of water
spreads between, my toes.
Heated wind tickling my skin.
In awe the horizon gleams with
all of its glory, to fill the sky
with such beauty, such colour,
followed by darkness.

Crimson, Sapphire, Charcoal – Black.
A cycle of endless, change.
The colours blend together like holding hands:

Far beyond my eyes, the water line edge.
Mystery prevails, my thoughts.
Islands scattered far and wide,
places to explore. Culture to devour.
Who else has stood before me?
Watching the sun, dip into the red waters?
To be replaced by a silver disc
of light and possibility?

Golden heat, beneath my feet it burns.
Never will I experience such
tranquillity and aroma.
Even the air smelt
different.

A far cry from the musty aroma of
home.This was exciting.
Warm. Spice.

Closing my eyes,
I remember
every heartbeat,
every sense.

For I will hope to return here,
one day. Another soul, will take
my steps. Watch the same sun.
Swim in the same waters. I have
to return to familiar ground.